Tales from the Tigerfort

I seem to need a new printer; my current one's marvellous millipede impression (an endless supply of last legs) seems to have finally come to an end. Since I last bought a printer in the 1990s, I'm hoping that people might be able to provide some advice.

I don't print a huge amount of stuff, currently - in fact, I think lack of use is a contributing factor to the final death of my existing printer. So ideally I want something that will still work if I ignore it for three months (if it absolutely has to be used to print a page every four weeks, that's probably OK, but if it'll sulk after being turned off for a week I'm not interested). I'm not honestly bothered either way about colour - all other things being equal it's an advantage, but not one I'm willing to pay very much for either at purchase time or over the life of the printer. Forward compatibility dictates use of USB connectivity (or ethernet, but I imagine networked printers are more expensive), and I'm actively opposed to wireless. (I won't refuse to buy a printer that has wireless capability, so long as I can turn it off, but I'm not going to use it.)

I don't need a multi-function machine, but have no particular objections if it's going to get me the best actual printer for my money, provided it isn't insanely huge.

Ten years ago I'd have obviously wanted (and actually got) a laser rather than an inkjet, for the better output quality, lower cost-per-page, and greater tolerance for being ignored for a month. Does that still apply? More specifically, can anyone recommend (or anti-recommend) specific models and/or ranges for my needs? (The deceased model is an HP laserjet 1100, for quality-comparison purposes.)